I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
