It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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