Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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