so I'm never txting u again after today...
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?