I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
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i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
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no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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