Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.