My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
