Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
