yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
