sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
