How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Less talking, more tequila
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
