I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
