how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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