I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
