TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
