My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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