you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
