Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
