When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
