I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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