it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
