Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
