friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He has the fingertips of a God
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