You just made me feel so damn special
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
His hands were made for my vagina.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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