I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
