I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
