I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
