My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
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Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
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Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP