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• (516): View more from New York

  My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

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• (310): View more from California

  Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.

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• (+66): View more from Thailand

  One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on

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• (585): View more from New York

  I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP

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