somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.