is wine microwaveable?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
