Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
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So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN