It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.