i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.