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I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
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