You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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