There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
