I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I could make wine with my vomit
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
