His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
