Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
