i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
