i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
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If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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