1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
