as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
