I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
