I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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