My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
