fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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