You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
