Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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