u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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