you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
