I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So vagazzling was a success
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
