My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
