my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
