i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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