listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize