In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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