I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
