i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
