i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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