i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
