Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
