He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
