I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
you made out with another girl for some wings
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
