i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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