Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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