get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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