so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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