Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
