i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
