you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
