Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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