Don't make out with my wife yet
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
