Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The air was thick with penises
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
