a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
