feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
