How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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