i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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