My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
