piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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