Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
