I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
