apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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