Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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