she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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